Auburn Hate Week! Wednesday - Quotes, Jokes, House Divided

Depending on who you ask, Alabama's biggest rival may not be Auburn.  Ask a current student and they may say LSU is the biggest, toughest rival.  Ask either a really old fan and they will tell you it is Tennessee because we didn't even play Auburn for 40 years and Tennessee is the 2nd best team in the SEC's history and they are the toughest competition.  Fans in their late 20s and early 30s will also hate Tennessee because of the whole Secret Witness stuff.

But ask anyone with any sense, and they will know it is Auburn.  Here are some things Coach Bryant used to say about the Auburn game:

"Sure I'd like to beat Notre Dame, don't get me wrong. But nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state."
 ~To a group of Boosters

" What the hell's the matter with you people down there? Don't y'all take your football seriously?"

~Bryant after calling Auburn early in the morning to find the not at the office yet

If you think Saban has gotten away from the rivalry at all...

"We have an opponent in this state that we work every day, 365 days a year, to dominate."

The Jokes

No great rivalry would be complete without some jokes going back and forth at eachother's fan bases, cheerleaders etc...  Here are some of my favorites:

How do you castrate an Auburn fan?
Kick his sister in the teeth

How do you get an Auburn fan off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

Why can't Sex ed. and Driver's ed be done on the same day at Auburn?
Because they only have one mule

What is the most common line used with by an Auburn alum?
Would you like fries with that

What is a 7 course meal at Auburn?
Possum and a six-pack

How did Tommy Tuberville keep his players out of the bars after the 2008 Alabama game?
Paint an goal line at the door - his players can't cross it

Of course for full disclosure, there are a couple of Anti-Alabama jokes that are kinda ok:

Where wasa O.J.headed in the White Bronco?
Tuscaloosa:  No one would think to look for a Heisman winner there

How many Bama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it takes a roomful to talk about how the BEAR would have done it better

How are Bama fans and Maggots alike?
Both can live off of a dead Bear for years

You can find dozens of these all over the interwebz, or just click here for a bunch

A House Divided:

We've all seen the license plates, the flags, and all of that stuff with "A House Divided" written on it.  My first experience with this was at the 2002 Iron Bowl walking to the stadium from work behind a couple - one a Bama fan and one an Auburn fan.  The two were holding hands and getting a variety of looks from fans on both sides of the street until one Alabama looks up and says "It will never work!  Get a divorce now!"  One of my favorite lines from my early years of being an Alabama fan still getting used to football in the south.  There are also all kinds of stories about divorce filings where on the "irreconcilable differences" section things like "she's an Auburn fan" are listed very early on the list.

When you grow up in this state (which I didn't) you go to school with fans of both allegiances.  So naturally, when it comes to college, you will have friends that go to the rival school.  This rivalry is truly one of those "House Divided" places.  Last Thanksgiving - two days before the game, I was at a Thanksgiving dinner with my then girlfriend's family.  Before dinner, everyone was asked to hold hands and give thanks for the meal.  At the end, someone yelled out ROLL TIDE and before hands could be let go, the other side yelled out WAR EAGLE!!  It is everywhere in this state.


But no one, and I mean NO ONE can talk about taking it to the next level.  Take a look at this family.

TWO MORE DAYS!!!

Tomorrow:   Which school has better and more influential Alums, hotter co-eds, and hotter cheerleaders?